My name is AnZai

Oh my fucking god... again... it's the round 3 this time!!!

Dissertation... Why should we need to do it?  God helps me please!!!

Fuck! Fuck!!Fuck!!! It's exam!!!

Oh my... fucking god!!! It's 23rd now. The fucking exams are coming after 2 weeks time.  Although the revision has begun, I still don't have that confidence to face the exams.  I know it shouldn't be like this.  Maybe my heart has flown away to somewhere.  But I am nearly 24, I should control myself and concentrate and focus the most important things. 

My pre-birthday dream is to Knock these fucking things off!!! But this's only the part of it...

Dear two Baos, you'd better recover!!!

原來自私在心底的人，他們是自私到極透和不表露出來，比一些自私於表面的人更
恐怖，口口聲聲說愛一個人，但是永遠不懂得在對方的深處考慮，那光說愛有什麼
用呢？寫好了一篇悔改的文章，但是不動聲色的忘掉，不動不說，不就是光說不做
嗎？這等同於欺騙了人，又怎樣讓人相信，每次都要你把真實的一面說出來，那愛
一個人卻不担白，是不是等如欺騙呢？對於一個已沒有感覺的人說的話而氣憤，但
是聽到了一些傷害自己深愛的人的話，卻不出聲，不回抗，口口聲聲說是自己深愛
的人受了我保護了嗎？那和不愛有什麼分別呢？這算不算是自私？
原來發現自己固執而不承認身邊的人所講的說話，但到最後自己才知道自己真正的
讓別人誤會，感覺是非常難受。我自私，自私得討厭都不知道。光說不做的我還大
聲說要改變。想變好和做好是兩回事。現在又發現自己多一點了，還有多少隱藏着
呢？又有多少在逃避着呢？

我想知而家邊個潑婦呀，係你喺msn同facebook寫野先嫁，我女朋友只係引用你嘅其
中一句咋，佢由此至中有冇寫你一句傷害你嘅野呀!
我覺得潑婦罵街嗰個係好似你咁做喎，我打電話番嚟就係想問你我有咩比你爆呀，
我連我地上床啲野都講晒出嚟，我仲有啲乜野呢？我而家殺人放火呀！而家邊個先
至係第三者，係邊個對唔住邊個呢？係你先係facebook打＂唔知啲人咩心態＂我女
朋友從此至終都冇講過你啲乜野，件事發生咗咁耐，冇人要搞啲乜出嚟，只係想知
道做第三者點解可以做得咁理直氣壯，我有講過我冇錯咩？只係錯嘅唔知自己錯，
仲話受害者潑婦罵街，我又係咩小綿羊呀？我而家扮無辜咩？講明係我先撩者賤，
我有屈晒你咩，牛唔飲又點噤得牛頭低呀！我冇屈晒你嫁，咁你就唔好而家講到自
己最辛苦同委屈，最辛苦同委屈係你咩，好笑嘅係受害者連對唔住都聽唔到呀。
我錯乜？我錯係你同jimmy一齊個陣，問你幾時同我一齊，我錯係對你犯賤先，我錯
成曰打電話騷擾你，我錯係喺去旅行嘅時候都用隻賤手send ""I miss you"" 比
你，我錯係走上去你屋企同你上床，唔只一次，我錯拖你隻手同錫你，我錯係一次
又一次同你一齊。我係好錯！
我冇迫過你同我一齊，點解同你一齊呀？我之前覺得我女朋友對我唔夠好，我話我
哋就會分手，係，係我喺度博同情，我覺得你係真嘅，我冇＂呼之則來，揮之則去
＂我覺得你對我好，比到感覺我。乜野都遷就我，從來唔會同我嘈，我冇玩你嫁。
我只係覺得你可以同得jimmy一齊四五年都可以同我一齊，我聖誕節走咗之後，你可
以咁快又同第二個一齊，我覺你真嘅程度有幾真呀？問心。
我咁耐以嚟都冇同jimmy親口同公開道歉，佢真係識錯我，我而家想講對唔住同佢。
我知呢句講得太簡單，但我係真心講嘅，你呢，有冇勇氣，有冇真心嘅連一句對唔
住都冇講，兩年啦！
係我一手搞出嚟嘅，但係都係你接受嫁，我唔攞鎗迫你嫁，係我主動上你屋企，你
都有開門嫁，我冇迫你嘅。你話咩我女朋友扮清高，佢冇好似你寫咁多野喎，唔好
只去逃避你同我嘅過錯，而家仲係度＂潑婦罵街＂
給我唯一愛的：我而家先知道身邊有一個可以原諒自己任何野嘅好女朋友，而我曾
經冇珍惜。不知足同貪心，花心，都係我身上搵到，白活了二十三年，可笑可笑。

1st of September 2008... Haven't turned up here for a long time.  I know that I say this every time, But it's true!  My UK summer holiday 2008 and the most ever Impressive Olympicis are finished, did I gain anything? Well... ...I don't know. But one thing I truely believe is - I am becoming a tour guide. Within the past 2 months, my girl's mum came to visit, James came to visit and my mum and dad are also coming to visit me.  Just wonder when UK has became a famous place for sightseeing, Ha... So, do I look forward for the 2012 London Olyyyyyyy... ? I heard of street dance!?!? A bit funny, serious!!!

Glad to receive that letter.  But it means a new semester is starting very soon.  Honestly, Having pressure!!! I know this is life. I will be 24 soon, time to make a decision. One shot!!! Then freedom will be on my hand...

To my friends,
JC - You become mature, good to see this.  Keep it up! I was really happy to see you this time. 
EW - Do not give up.  I can see that you are trying.  Hope you will get through... 25 now!!!
WK - Just had a word with you today and known you finally get it finished.  Proud of you! Job hunting is hard, stay cool and good luck.  See you in HKG soon.
WS - Thanks a lot! That's it.

And eventually... AS - I know you very well.  Remember one thing, NO PAIN NO GAIN. you are a man now. 18 or 19? No... They were the past tense. Good luck!